Anime vs DC · Superhuman
Gintoki Sakata vs Harley Quinn
A lazy samurai who loves sweets meets a chaotic clown who loves a fight. The parfait is in danger.
Tale of the tape
| Gintama | Universe | DC |
|---|---|---|
| Superhuman | Tier | Street level |
| A legendary war veteran’s swordsmanship with a wooden sword | Strength | Gymnastics, a giant mallet and a psychiatrist’s understanding of her opponents |
| Lazy, broke and obsessed with sweets | Weakness | Chaos follows her everywhere |
| 2–0–1 | Record on Versus | 1–1 |
The Arena
Harley Quinn came through a portal into Edo, a city full of aliens and samurai, and decided it was the most fun she had seen in years. She walked into a sweets shop, saw a silver-haired man in a white kimono about to eat a strawberry parfait, and took it out of his hands. “Thanks, sweetie!”
Gintoki stared at his empty hands, then at the woman in red and black with pigtails, eating his parfait. “That,” he said very slowly, “was the last strawberry parfait in Edo.” Harley licked the spoon. “It was really good!” Gintoki stood up and drew his wooden sword. Harley pulled a giant mallet out of nowhere. “Ooh, fun!”
Shinpachi and Kagura, watching from the doorway, sighed in unison. “Here we go again.”
Round One
Harley swung her mallet, and Gintoki blocked it with his wooden sword, which should have shattered and somehow did not. She backflipped over the counter, threw a pie at his face, and he cut it in half in mid-air. She threw a whoopee cushion grenade. He kicked it out the window, where it exploded with an enormous rude noise.
They fought through the sweets shop, destroying the counter, the tables and three display cases of mochi. Harley was fast, acrobatic and completely unpredictable. Gintoki was a war veteran, lazy until he needed to be, and very, very annoyed about the parfait.
“You’re pretty good for a guy with a wooden sword!” Harley said. Gintoki yawned. “You’re pretty loud for someone eating my dessert.”
The Turn
Harley changed tactics. She sat down on a broken table, crossed her legs and put on her psychiatrist voice. “So, Mr. Samurai. Let’s talk about why you’re so attached to sweets. Is it a comfort thing? Something from the war?” It had worked on Deadpool. It worked on almost everyone.
Gintoki sat down across from her and listened carefully. Then he picked his nose. Then, halfway through her question about his childhood, he fell asleep, snoring loudly. Harley stared at him. “Hey! I’m doing therapy here!” Gintoki did not wake up.
Harley poked him with her mallet. He did not move. She leaned closer, annoyed. That was exactly what he had been waiting for.
The Finish
Gintoki opened one eye, grabbed her mallet, and tapped her on the forehead with the end of his wooden sword. Harley sat down very suddenly on the floor, dazed, seeing stars. “Hey,” she said woozily. “That was a dirty trick.” Gintoki shrugged. “I fought in a war. All tricks are dirty.”
He took the parfait glass back from the floor, looked at the empty bottom sadly, and sighed. Harley, sitting on the floor with a lump on her head, started laughing. “You faked sleeping in the middle of my therapy session! That’s the most passive-aggressive thing anyone’s ever done to me!”
Gintoki sat down next to her. “You owe me a parfait.” Harley grinned. “I don’t have any money.” Gintoki nodded gravely. “Neither do I.” They looked at each other for a long moment, two broke chaos agents in a wrecked sweets shop, and then went together to rob a convenience store of pudding. Shinpachi stopped them. Barely.
The verdict
Gintoki Sakata wins
Harley is fast, unpredictable and a trained psychiatrist, but Gintoki is a war veteran who is impossible to analyse, and he fakes sleep in the middle of her therapy to lure her close.
- ExperienceGintoki is a veteran of a war against an alien invasion.
- UnreadableHe resists Harley’s psychiatry by not caring at all.
- Dirty tricksFaking sleep creates the opening he needs.
How the rematch could go differently: A Harley armed with the Joker’s full arsenal, rather than a mallet, could make the samurai take her seriously.
Who do you think wins?
Who would win in a fight between Gintoki Sakata and Harley Quinn?
Gintoki Sakata wins. Harley is fast, unpredictable and a trained psychiatrist, but Gintoki is a war veteran who is impossible to analyse, and he fakes sleep in the middle of her therapy to lure her close.