Saiyans vs the Grand Line · Cosmic · Mismatch
Beerus vs Sanji
The God of Destruction came to erase the planet. The ship’s cook offered him lunch first.
Tale of the tape
| Dragon Ball | Universe | One Piece |
|---|---|---|
| Cosmic | Tier | Superhuman |
| Destruction itself, mastered over aeons | Strength | Fire-wreathed kicks and the best cooking on the Grand Line |
| Naps for decades and gets distracted by food | Weakness | Will never, ever kick a woman |
| 1–2–1 | Record on Versus | 0–0–1 |
The Arena
Beerus woke up from a nap in a terrible mood and decided to destroy a random planet before breakfast. He picked the One Piece world, landed on a ship with a lion figurehead and walked into the galley, where a blond man with a curly eyebrow was cooking. Whis followed behind him, smiling politely.
“I am Beerus, the God of Destruction,” Beerus announced. “I am going to destroy this planet.” Sanji did not even turn around from the stove. “Not before lunch, you’re not. Nobody leaves my galley hungry.” Beerus’s ears twitched. “Do you know who you are talking to?” Sanji flipped an omelette. “A hungry cat.”
Whis put a hand over his mouth to hide his smile. This, he thought, was going to be interesting.
Round One
Beerus flicked Sanji in the forehead, a tap that would have knocked a planet off its orbit, and Sanji flew across the galley into the wall. He got up, lit a cigarette and walked back to the stove. “You’re going to have to wait ten minutes,” he said. Beerus stared. Nobody had ever got up from that and gone back to cooking.
Beerus flicked him again. Sanji spun, his leg wreathed in fire, and kicked the God of Destruction in the face with a Diable Jambe that would have shattered a battleship. Beerus did not move. He blinked once. Then he looked at the leg, then at the stove, where something was starting to smell amazing.
“What is that?” Beerus asked. Sanji put his leg down. “Seafood risotto. With truffle.” Beerus sniffed the air. His tail started to sway.
The Turn
Beerus sat down at the table, because the smell was too good to ignore. Sanji put a plate in front of him: risotto, perfectly cooked, with a little sprig of herbs on top. Beerus took one bite. His eyes went wide. He took another. Whis leaned over and stole a spoonful, and his eyes went wide too.
“This,” Beerus said slowly, “is the best thing I have ever eaten.” Sanji lit another cigarette. “There’s more. If you don’t destroy the planet, that is. No planet, no ingredients.” Beerus put down his spoon. He was the God of Destruction. He had destroyed civilisations for less.
He looked at the empty plate. Then he looked at Sanji. “What else can you make?”
The Finish
Sanji cooked for six hours. Grilled sea king steak. Bento boxes. A cake shaped like a planet, which Beerus found very funny. The Straw Hats crowded into the doorway to watch the cat god eat everything Sanji put in front of him, and Luffy kept trying to steal food from his plate, and Beerus kept slapping his hand away.
At the end, Beerus leaned back, completely satisfied, and declared that the planet was safe, for now, as long as Sanji agreed to cook for him once a month. Sanji agreed, on the condition that Beerus never destroy any world with good fish in it. They shook hands. Whis asked for the recipe.
Nobody won the fight, technically. Beerus never tried to hurt Sanji, and Sanji’s strongest kick did nothing to Beerus. But the planet survived, which, Sanji pointed out, made him the first person in history to defeat a God of Destruction with a frying pan.
The verdict
It ends in a draw
In a real fight, Beerus would erase Sanji without effort, but Beerus never really fights: Sanji’s cooking makes him forget why he came, so the only honest result is a draw.
- Raw powerBeerus is a god who destroys planets; Sanji’s strongest kick does nothing.
- Weakness for foodBeerus has spared Earth before for a good meal.
- The cookSanji wins the only battle that matters: lunch.
How the rematch could go differently: If Sanji’s food were ever bad, the planet would be gone in a second, and Sanji would be the first to go with it.
Who do you think wins?
Who would win in a fight between Beerus and Sanji?
It is a draw. In a real fight, Beerus would erase Sanji without effort, but Beerus never really fights: Sanji’s cooking makes him forget why he came, so the only honest result is a draw.