Underdog upsets & mind games · Superhuman
Power vs Squirrel Girl
A blood fiend who wants to rule the world meets the only hero with a perfect record.
Tale of the tape
| Chainsaw Man | Universe | Marvel |
|---|---|---|
| Superhuman | Tier | Superhuman |
| Blood Fiend: turns her own blood into hammers, spears and scythes | Strength | Has beaten cosmic villains and nobody knows how |
| Lies constantly and runs at the first sign of real danger | Weakness | Being friends with everyone, including villains |
| 0–2 | Record on Versus | 1–0–1 |
The Arena
Power arrived in Central Park through a rift and decided immediately that New York would make an excellent kingdom. She climbed onto a fountain and declared to the crowd that she was the great Power, their new ruler, and that everyone should bring her all their meat and their cats.
Doreen Green was eating a sandwich on a nearby bench with Tippy-Toe on her shoulder. She sighed, put the sandwich down and walked over. “Hi! I’m Squirrel Girl. You can’t declare yourself ruler of New York. It’s kind of a whole thing with voting.” Power glared down at her. “And who will stop me? You?”
Doreen smiled brightly. “Probably! I’m unbeatable.” Power laughed so hard she almost fell off the fountain.
Round One
Power formed a giant blood hammer and swung it at Doreen, who dodged with squirrel-like agility, flipped over Power’s head and landed behind her. Doreen kicked her into the fountain. Power came up spitting water, furious, and threw a dozen blood spears. Doreen dodged them all.
Then a hundred squirrels came pouring out of the trees at Doreen’s whistle and swarmed over Power, chattering, biting her horns, stealing the snacks from her pockets. Power screamed and flailed wildly, smacking at them with her blood hammer, missing every single one.
“Call off your rats!” Power shrieked. Doreen looked offended. “They’re squirrels! Totally different!”
The Turn
Power summoned all her blood into a giant scythe and prepared to cut through the squirrels and Doreen in one sweep. Then one squirrel stole the half-eaten hot dog from her pocket, the one she had been saving, and Power forgot about everything else and chased it across the park.
Doreen watched this with growing understanding. Power was not evil. She was hungry, lonely, and very, very bad at being a supervillain. Doreen had seen this type before: Galactus, Kraven, half the villains of New York. All they really needed was someone to talk to them.
She whistled, and the squirrel brought the hot dog back. Power stopped chasing it, confused.
The Finish
Doreen sat down on the grass and patted the spot beside her. “Come on. You’re hungry. Let’s get you some real food.” Power hesitated, scythe still raised, suspicious. Then her stomach rumbled so loudly that several people in the park turned around. The scythe melted back into blood.
They spent the afternoon at a hot dog stand. Doreen paid. Power ate eleven hot dogs and told Doreen about her cat, Meowy, and about how nobody ever let her be in charge of anything. Doreen listened. Tippy-Toe stole a bun.
At the end of the day, Power stood up, belched loudly and announced that she had decided not to rule New York after all, because she had more important things to do back home. Doreen nodded seriously. Another perfect record. Undefeated, again, and she had not had to throw a single real punch.
The verdict
Squirrel Girl wins
Power’s blood weapons are genuinely dangerous, but Squirrel Girl is agile, has an army of squirrels to swarm her, and wins the way she always does: by understanding what her opponent actually needs.
- AgilityDoreen dodges every blood attack.
- Squirrel armyA hundred squirrels distract and overwhelm Power.
- Talking it outShe realises Power is hungry and lonely, not evil.
How the rematch could go differently: A Power who was not hungry might actually fight, but Doreen’s record suggests she would still find a way.
Who do you think wins?
Who would win in a fight between Power and Squirrel Girl?
Squirrel Girl wins. Power’s blood weapons are genuinely dangerous, but Squirrel Girl is agile, has an army of squirrels to swarm her, and wins the way she always does: by understanding what her opponent actually needs.